I'm sure you've all heard of the spork. If you havent, where do you live? in a box? I'm sure everybody remembers those lunch time conversations being intrupted with a grape to the forhead, or a piece of Meatloaf splatted across your shirt. Without the invention of the flexiable, handy dandy little spork, this world would cease to exist.
During the middle of the 20th century, God finally completed his greatest inventional
feat, the spork. After the first spork was created, God stepped back, looked at it
and smiled, for he saw that it was good. Delighted with his ingenuity, God embarked to
produce them in mass quantities and give them to the people of the world, fulfilling
the forgotten clause in his covenent with the peoples of Abraham. Thus, there are now
billions of Sporks worldwide, to the satasfaction of all.
The name "Spork" is a blend of the words (sp)oon and f(ork). SporkŪ is the
trademarked name for a piece of cutlery combining the features of a spoon, a fork
and sometimes a knife. It is also called the Runcible Spoon. A patent for the SporkŪ
was issued on August 11th, 1970 to Van Brode Milling Co., Inc., of Clinton, Mass.
Treatment of Sporks
Sporks are delicate items, and so the baptized spork must be treated with care.
Sporks should never touch the ground, or likewise be placed in a situation of danger
or filth. If for some reason they do get dirty, a proper washing ceremony should be
conducted within a week of the tainting. Washing should be done. The spork should be dipped head first into
the liquid, twisted 180 degrees thrice, and then removed and whiped clean with the all
holy napkin.
Burial of a Broken Spork
If a spork is damaged, it should be given a proper burial. One must return to the
site of aquisition of the spork and complete the ceremony. Pour vinegar oil all
across the spork, making certain that the entire spork is covered with oil. Quickly,
as soon as the drenching is completed, the spork must be buried and covered next to
the foundation of the establishment of aquisition. No ceremonial verses are necessary,
as it tends to be an emotional time for those involved.